dev blog // current project: Catharsis
It seems that depression is a very common ailment among creative people - though that could be my skewed perspective, since that’s just most of the people that I know. Even so, it feels like there are some strong links between the need to create and the powerful negative feedback loops that fuel depression. Feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, devalued self worth - and it’s all stacked against you, because while the struggles of your peers are hidden invisibly behind the mighty accomplishments you love them for, your own work never quite lives up to your vision.
This is especially true and problematic for game developers, because in a very real sense, the work in question doesn’t even exist until it interacts with an audience. The mechanic is just a series of potential reactions, and the level is just a big empty space without a player to explore it.
I don’t know if this will help anyone else - I’m not an expert on depression, just a client. Maybe what holds you down is different than what weighs heavy on me, but just in case there’s any relief to be had, here are some of the ways I deal with it.
any motherfucker says they can’t relate to a character of a different gender, race, or sexuality than themselves, but then go off and read about elves and aliens and dragons and shit, y’all can fuck right off
